Always
by bessorla
Summary: Remus reflects on his past with Sirius. OotP spoilers. Rated mild R for slash implications.


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Remus, Sirius, or anything from the HP universe. The distribution of this fic is for entertainment purposes only.

**A/N:** This is for Angie's birthday, in response to a long-overdue challenge. 

Always 

Remus remembered watching Sirius bring girls to the edge of the forest. He always followed him and watched the trysts, not as a voyeur, but to see if it ever changed. It never did.

Remus remembered watching as Sirius told them that he wanted to see, to please let him see, and they always did. And then he wanted to feel, just feel, and they let him. And then he _needed_ them with the burning of a thousand fiery suns.

Sirius never was original.

But they still let him, yielded to his tired lines, and he always claimed them and then discarded them. Always.

            Remus never told Sirius how he watched him relieve and ruin so many girls. Remus never told him his cock used to twitch with jealousy while he watched. Remus never told him he had feelings for him, more than a friend should have.

            Sirius figured it out on his own. He always had been brilliant.

            And then Sirius was watching him, and Remus' constant awareness of his carefree friend heightened almost to the point of insanity. Almost. Sirius wouldn't let him go.

            Remus started walking back towards the castle.

            And then there were the nights in the dorm, where Sirius asked him, _asked _him what Remus thought of him, even though he already knew. Remus knew he just liked to hear it, to hear him respond the same way every time. _"You're my best friend, Sirius. Always."_

            Remus knew it was the _"always"_ that Sirius wanted to hear, for that was the only admittance Remus gave of the powerful hold Sirius had over him. And would always have.

            And then there were the nights in his bed, because just hearing Remus' devotion was never enough, Sirius made Remus show him. That was the period Remus thought they were actually in a relationship, when in reality Sirius just claimed him, as he had so many before; only he didn't discard him. He made him say _always_ every night and then he let him closer than he ever had before. 

            Remus stepped into the deserted Entrance Hall and turned toward the path to Gryffindor tower. 

            Even after they graduated Sirius made him say _"always"_; and then Sirius was taken from him. Remus had never felt as betrayed as when he heard Sirius was arrested. It hurt even more because he knew that while Sirius rotted in that prison for the rest of his life, he would still belong to him. Always.

            Remus arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait.

            Sirius had _escaped_, and Remus knew, no matter what he'd done, Sirius still had that hold of him. He knew that if he ever saw Sirius and he asked, he would tell him, just as he told him for so many fleeting years, _"always"_.

            Sirius was innocent.

            Of _course_ he was innocent, how could Remus have ever doubted him?

            Remus inhaled deeply before stepping into the Boys' Dormitory he had shared with the Marauders. The place where Sirius had claimed Remus' soul.

            When Remus found him, and found he had been wrong for thirteen years, he begged Sirius to forgive him, but that was not what Sirius wanted to hear. 

            _"What do you think of me now, Moony?"_

Remus had grinned at Sirius' unnecessary question of his loyalty.

            _"You're my best friend. You always have been, always will be. Always."_

            Sirius had let Remus be taken again after his familiar declaration. Remus pretended again they were in a relationship, even when Sirius started dating witches after he was declared innocent; he suspected Sirius was still using the old lines to chat up the various weekly witches.

            Remus lowered himself onto Sirius' bed and curled into a ball. Sirius' cold bed.

            One night after Sirius had taken him in the darkest room in Grimmauld Place, in his room, Sirius asked him, _"Do you love me?"_ Remus knew what answer he was expecting, and he gave it to him, truthfully.

            _"Always."_

            And now Sirius was long gone, but his hold over Remus never left. In fact, it felt stronger than ever.

            _Do you love me?_

"Always," Remus whispered into Sirius' pillow, tears streaming down his cheeks.

            He always had loved him. He always would love him.

            _Always._


End file.
